This is it – the end of the year 2011. It’s odd to think of how far I have come this year, and this year alone. Just from last January to now, I’ve tried a lot of new things, and accomplished a great deal. I am proud of my own personal growth, and I am glad for everything that I have been through this year, because it all has helped in that growth.
At the beginning of the year, I was involved in a relationship that lasted a total of five and a half months – the longest and most serious relationship that I have had to date (no pun intended). This relationship started me on a road to step out of my comfort zone in ways I had never experienced before, having never been in as serious a relationship before. I was able to challenge myself emotionally, and that helped to foster healthy emotional growth.
As that relationship came to an end in late April, I was further able to drive myself to become a better person. I was hurt for a little while, but quickly came to realize the opportunity that I had in front of me. As a relationship comes to an end, there are three options that the person on the “broken-up-with” side can choose.
The first is to wallow in the hurt, refusing to move forward from the point that the other person left you on. This, obviously, is not the optimal choice, but the choice that most of us go through at the very beginning. It is an essential part of the processing of the information, but staying in this state for too long is not at all healthy.
The second option that we have is to get over it and move on. This choice is the most popular, particularly in books, movies, and television shows today. “Just get over him, move on with your life. He doesn’t deserve you, anyway,” has become the advice of the best friend, the meddling parent, and many other character stereotypes in the media. Though this option is much better than simply wallowing in the sadness of the break-up, there is a better choice.
The third option is by far my favorite. Rather than wallowing, or simply getting over the experience and moving forward with my life, I chose to grow. I allowed the experience to change me, and strove to take the first steps toward becoming the person that I prefer to be. I set out to broaden my horizons, to try new things, to meet new people, and, ultimately, to change for the better.
This golden opportunity came to me in the form of my summer job at camp. May rolled through, as did the beginning of June, and I found myself once again in the forested company of the Barbara C. Harris Camp and Conference Center. This place (as I have mentioned many times throughout this blog) has been my summer home for a good portion of my life. I cannot imagine a summer without camp, and cannot wait to return again.
The Camp has a way of taking a person – campers and staff members alike – and giving them the atmosphere that they need for positive change. So many people have grown because of this amazing place –hundreds of staff members, thousands of campers – and each has their own story. I won’t prattle about my past years at camp (I’ve talked a great deal about those years in my second blog entry), but will instead say how camp this summer has helped me to grow.
The atmosphere at camp is peaceful. There is a beautiful setting, full of trees, fresh air, animals, and lots of growing things – plants and people alike. There is something to be said about the emotional cleansing that occurs with the daily swimming in the lake, or the burning of the heart that occurs with every campfire and candle-lit worship service. There is always someone around, reminding you that however lonely you may feel, you aren’t alone. There is always space for meditations of the mind, or of the heart, and a gentle breeze to waft through and remind you that things are always moving and changing.
Camp is an optimal place to let yourself change and grow. The people around you are as accepting and loving as any you’d meet, and each year I leave thinking that it’s been the best summer yet, the most cohesive staff yet, the most loving community yet, only to be completely blown away the next summer. It is difficult to think of how we become so like a family with fifty-odd other people in the course of two months, all while doing the job that was given to you of making smaller families with the campers with each new week, but somehow we manage to do it. This summer family of mine has helped my courage and my heart both to grow, and shown me how to reach out to others. I can care for others while still taking care of myself, and can reach out to people when I start to feel down.
My friends at school all took notice when I went back in the fall. Some mentioned to me how much they had seen I had grown, and how much happier I had become because of it. I was much happier. I made myself more social, while still focusing my time and energy on the schoolwork that mattered. I put myself out there again and, even after quite a few dramatic failures the previous semester, I auditioned for both Yorick’s Midsummer Night’s Dream and the Harlequin Musical Revue. I received parts in both, however small, but both of these reminded me why I loved performing so much.
These shows reminded me that it was not so much about the part you got, or the amount of lines you had, or how you looked in your costume. It wasn’t even about the show you picked, the quality of the production, or how well you knew your lines and cues (though each of those does help, in the end). Truly, the reason that I loved the theatre so much was because of the camaraderie that went along with it. The laughs and silly gestures during inappropriate lines during a read-through, the backstage giggles, the jokes that only someone involved in the show would understand…all of these were the main reason I got involved again. The adrenaline rush from being under the warm stage lights as someone other than myself was second to that feeling of camaraderie that can be had with a close-knit cast.
Now here it is, December 31st and counting down the time to the brand new year. What will 2012 bring? Happiness? Love? The destruction of the world? Only time will tell. But there is more personal growth to be had, more friends to make, more love to give, more people to make smile. I cannot wait.
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