Journal entry 1/1/11

Resolutions, etc. From my journal, dated January 1, 2011:

Discipline. Determination. Organization. Health.

Four words that I mean to live by in the upcoming year. It is a lack of these four things in my life that makes things so difficult - all the little things to worry about would be gone if my life were more driven by these things. Messy rooms, lack of schedule, unfinished work, my lax "I'll do it later" attitude, my own small self-image problems...all can be fixed with the daily application of these values.

It is the first day of the new year. It's a new beginning, the start of something with the potential for good. And it's time I harnessed some of that potential, that newness, and channeled it into my life. Now, here are my resolutions for the new year:

1) Implement a routine based on a set weekly schedule. Deviate only when necessary.
2) Do well with schoolwork and apply for scholarships.
3) Incorporate exercise and healthy eating habits into daily routine.
4) Apply for a job, preferably on-campus.
5) Begin meditating again regularly.

Goodness, I'm beginning to sound like Bridget Jones...all I need is to start speaking in a British accent, turn to alcohol and cigarettes in times of crisis, and have Colin Firth and Hugh Grant fight over me. Oh, yes, those all sound like they'll happen any day now...

Crap. Now I've got her cynicism, too. One more step on the diary-writing road to Bridget-dom! Here's to a great start to a (hopefully) smashing new year.

~Amanda

A Little Something Special

So, lately I have been looking through old computer documents to get rid of those I don't want anymore to make space. The other day I found two old poems in particular from early my senior year of high school that I thought I would share. Only those in my creative writing class that semester have seen these poems, until now. I hope that you enjoy them, and please, any comments that you have are, as always, encouraged.

10/19/09
Icy Heart

Cheeks dappled with cadmium watercolor

Eyes bright-shining beads of azure liquid

She sighs deeply

Her breath billows forth

Wispy clouds of steam and grief

Old tears cold as gloveless fingers

Sear her numbing cheeks

A dead cold chill claws

Through muscle and bone

She shivers in empty pain

Her gold-gilded hair tangles in the wind

Like hundreds of threads discarded from a needle

From his own personal tundra

A friend approaches lovingly

A shelter in her blizzard

She questions with her eyes

Her desire for heat again

With one warm embrace

He thaws her icicle tears into steady flows

And lets them run their course

Streams run until they dry

Sun will always melt the snow

A blossoming breath of spring

She slips with a smile into warmth

Comfortable in his safe and gentle hold

10/26/09

Weekend Afternoon with a Friend

Apples left half-eaten on the ground

You said they’re better than Applecrest, and I agree

More natural with more variety

The pure beauty that ends up

Tainted by the grocer, forgotten by consumers

New bonds to new friends:

Dogs, horses, ponies, sheep

So many to meet at once

The birds and the gentle bees

View from the top of the barn

A far-off horizon and autumnal hills

Three white doves and three black crows

Flying together in a cloudless sky

Above the fields of home

Conversations stirred in a casual atmosphere

Questions thought to go unasked

Answers thought never to be given

“Bet you never thought you’d be here,” you said

Only because I never thought you’d invite me

Remnants of our afternoon

Ingrained in my memory of you.